It's already seemed like a month at least!
I miss my baby girl.
She is a doll. With red hair (it is officially official!). Who looks killer good in green! :)
I have good days and bad days.
The good days I can get through in a chaotic/semi-zombie sort of way, and the bad days I just want to sleep and maybe whine a little bit.
I am SO happy for the moms I see who have their babies discharged, but at the same time I am also upset that it's not our baby.
EA is very deceiving. Blessing looks incredibly healthy, strong, as perfect as can be. She doesn't look physically sick so it makes me crazy to know that we're going to be spending many more nights at the NICU.
Another maddening aspect is just having to W A I T . . . . . . . . . . . . . . until we can actually get to the point for the study that will give us an estimated time frame for when Blessing can come home with us!
Part of me doesn't know what to feel. Anger? At what? The fact that EA can't be controlled by anything? I'm in the 'why did this happen' phase. I follow the Word of Wisdom, I have a healthy diet, somewhat of a healthy lifestyle, I don't drink, I don't smoke, don't do drugs, I live a relatively low-stress life. So lucky me, my daughter is the winner out of 4600 babies who gets to deal with EA. Lucky, lucky us.
At the same time, we are SO blessed! I can't forget about the dozens of people who are praying for us, giving us meals, babysitting, doing our laundry, calling, facebooking, checking in on us, and just being there for us. Every day I'm amazed at how I need something and all I have to do is call someone and they will help me!
So many emotions to go through.
At least I don't have to worry about PPD, which is a HUGE blessing in and of itself! I feel like we kind of skipped over that part, for which I'm grateful!
But I do feel guilty that I haven't been able to give great mommy attention to my boys right now. Einstein has been an absolute trooper! I thought he would become defiant, but he's really begun to fill his big brother shoes very well. He's getting so grown up! Poor Curly, though, is super clingy and sad most of the time. He's regressed in the areas of talking and potty usage. He basically just whines all day unless he's being held. I'm still not technically supposed to be lifting/holding heavy things yet (hello, 30lb 2 year old!), but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! I can only handle so much whining!
I still stay up way too late.
I hope the rest of my 30's won't be this stressful.
I think it might get easier??? I hope!
I'm going to bed.