52 weeks project- Week 2

I'm grateful for Anya

Today we had an amazing lesson in Relief Society, about the nature of God. (and I know these last two posts have been religiously heavy. It's just been on my mind.) The main focus was about His love for us as His children. The teacher was talking about all the little things in nature that Heavenly Father has given to us for our benefit and delight, like flowers, mountains, trees, etc., and she played a song for us called "My Heavenly Father Loves Me". It's a simple children's song, though profound in it's message. Here are the lyrics:

Whenever I hear the song of a bird
Or look at the blue, blue sky,
Whenever I feel the rain on my face
Or the wind as it rushes by,
Whenever I touch a velvet rose
Or walk by our lilac tree,
I’m glad that I live in this beautiful world
Heavenly Father created for me.

He gave me my eyes that I might see
The color of butterfly wings.
He gave me my ears that I might hear
The magical sound of things.
He gave me my life, my mind, my heart:
I thank him reverently
For all his creations, of which I’m a part.
Yes, I know Heavenly Father loves me.

The version she played was a beautiful piano version, and it was a time of reflection during the meeting (of course everyone was emotional!). During this time, thoughts of baby Anya came into my mind. And I felt so grateful that I am given this time with her! She may not be born yet. I do not know what the future holds for her. But I felt so much reassurance and love and protection in that tiny moment. I had such a quick glimpse of what an amazing spirit she is. And I know she's going to be such a powerful presence in our family.

I am grateful for her. I am grateful that I can carry her in my body, and give her what I can. Even among the aches and pains and worry and stress and everything else. I am grateful she is mine. And she always will be.

During the course of this pregnancy, I've had a roller coaster of emotions. For the most part, I can get through the day just fine and not worry too much. But there are some days when everything seems unbearable and way too scary for me to handle and foreign and terrifying. I'm really not one to freak out about stuff, so this experience has been completely out of my comfort zone.

I can't 'fix' it. I can't arm myself with knowledge because there are too many unknowns at every point. It's not in my nature to cry on someone's shoulder about it. I really just can't 'do' anything except wait. "I hate wait" (name that movie)

But today, I am so grateful for this little baby. I am grateful for every roll and kick and movement. I am grateful to know that Heavenly Father is in charge, and He's already promised me a few things. I am grateful that she seems strong physically, regardless of what the ultrasounds show. I am grateful that she is mine and Bryan's. I am grateful that she is in our family. I am grateful that soon she will be with us, and hopefully prove every specialist wrong. I am grateful that she is stubborn (one of the very DOMINANT traits of a McBride Scottish Lass!) in her own way, though I may not be grateful for that in the coming years. :) I am grateful for precious, precious life.