Numb

I had a miscarriage.

Crazy to write that.

I am unsure what to feel.

No, strike that.

I have a LOT of feelings going on.

My logical side is just fine --- the timing is not right, no matter how much I wanted it to be. I know that, Bryan knows that, and Heavenly Father knows that. Even though we both had an amazing spiritual confirmation to expand our family, only Heavenly Father knows what timing is exactly right for us.

My physical well-being is just fine --- other than being extremely tired and a little crampy, physically I am well. I am healthy, and other than a little more sleep and a little time to baby myself, no other procedures are (thank goodness) necessary. I can carry on as normally as before, and I think being physically busy will help with healing as well.

While I know and believe all this, try relaying that to my CRAZY hormones! I am weepy. I am empty. And though I in no way feel *responsible* for losing this child, I still feel upset about it. Even though I am at peace with this logically and spiritually, emotionally I am still a major train wreck.

The (not so detailed) details:
I really wasn't too far along. No announcements were made; the only people who knew sort of guessed that I was expecting.
Two weeks after I found out I was pregnent, the dreaded spotting came. And it never went away.
Bryan and I went to the doctor today (SO glad he was there!), who confirmed to us that I was no longer pregnant.

So, if I was able to give this spirit at least a glimpse of a physical body, I am happy. I am still happy right now, just a little sad, too.

I would also like to add that I am so extremely grateful that Bryan is my husband. He is so inspired, and he is a wonderful Patriarch to have in my home. I love you, honey!